As i was passing....

a Single's Story

2008-05-03T12:20:00.000-07:00

I used to see myself like Bridget Jones in the movie ‘Bridget Jone’s Diary’. Overweight, clumsy, with a tendency to creating blunders in public places and very single. Single to the extend my dad worried that I might be sufferring from some kind of commitment-phobic problem - heheh.

I spent the entire secondary school and matriculation years being single. Had few boys hitting on me, had few crushes myself, but all were kept inside. I remember I had this thinking, that once I step my feet in university I will found someone. As simple as that. But again, the whole 5 years in university were spent not much different from the previous years. Me, the single girl. Time flies real fast, perhaps the timing was not right. Maybe it was not the right person. All sorts of reason comes to mind. All kind of excuses came when ppl questions about my singlehoodness.
“ nak tunggu sampai umur berapa..?”
“ aikk..single lagi..?? …”
“ Bila lagi nak tukar status nih..?”
And most were accepted with the same response “..nanti adelah.."

I had for a few times, thought that I had found the person. That this might be the one. But then, it just didn’t lead to anywhere more than friends. Along the way, suddenly you didn’t feel right inside. There'll be a reason that'll make your heart stop jumping with joy, and your mind begin making real serious thinking about that person, whom just few weeks ago you have almost said yes to. And there were also the guy who i've waited and waited stupidly, thinking that maybe it's the time factor that was holding things from moving forward. When the right time comes, it will happen. How naive and silly i was. What a waste of time and energy spent thinking of him.

And i can remember the image of me, looking from the window in my room at couples sitting together on a bench, wondering to myself, " what do couples talk about..?". I remember the chat i had with friends about heart matters. The helpful friends who paired me with A, introduced me to B, and friend who wants me to be their 'kakak ipar'. All were accepted with a polite gesture of " no, thank you " or .." ermm, thank you ..actually, it's not that i dont want to, it's just ..i dont feel like i want to, i mean..i want to ..but not like that..i mean.." Bleahh.

And my parents, the ever-worrying father who in my final year of university, began teaching me how to talk to guys, in other word how to flirt. ( believe it , ppl ...he really went all out tutoring his' blurr' daughter). Recalling his common lectures about 'fitrah manusia dijadikan berpasangan' and the myth that 'jodoh tak perlu dicari tapi dtg sendiri'. Brushing it away with his words"..kalau macam tu, tak perlulah kita bangun pagi setiap hari. Duduk aje bersila atas kerusi tunggu jodoh yang Tuhan tentukan tu sampai..". And my mom, who is like always more relaxed and quiet, but would insert a line or two as i sit with her in the kitchen. About cycle of human's life, how from kids, we become adults, and have kids ourselves bla bla. And the list continues.

Being single has its own perks. I'm not saying this to comfort the singletons, but because i have experienced being single until the age of 24, so let say i'm quite an expert hehe. The freedom of being with myself, do what i want to do, go where my feet wish to bring me. So used to going out alone, hopping on LRTs and busses, sitting by myself in fast food restaurants and going for movies with no one next to me but a complete stranger ( still do that eheh ). Enjoying every minute of it. Spend hours in Borders until my mouth feel dry, window-shopping alone until my feet hurts and return home feeling a satisfaction beyond words. And being single with no partners to bring to dinners or functions, we formed a group of 'single girls' who book one table and have fun taking pictures and wolfing down food till the last bit. When other couples go for dates during weekends, i go out with my girl friends, roaming the entire Kl, going to Jalan mAsjid India to Petaling Street from morning till dark. Had a blast of time.

Plus, the freedom to meet and make new friends, esp singles. The ability to choose possible suitors among the pursuers. The early process of getting to know a person and vice versa. The things that only single ppl are allowed, flirting without having the guilt.(..look who's talking, the girl who learns to flirt at the age of 24 ). Knowing that you are not attached to anyone seriously, and not emotionally dependant on anyone but yourself. It's a great feeling, really. It makes you feel so independant and free.

But when you reach a certain age, your views about certain things changed. Your feelings and emotions evolved. Your physical appearance transformed from someone who doesn't know how to balance herself on high-heels to someone who knows the difference between types of eye-liner. I guess it happens naturally to most of us. But to some people, they need to be awakened from their deep slumber to realise that some changes in life need to be made in order to grow up. And then we'll feel it coming, the wanting to have someone other than your girl friends. It was within this changing phase that I found him.

Heh, I’m still the klutz who tripped over chair-leg, banged into things and dropped the end of my tudung on a plate of nasi with kuah, but I’m a grown woman now. Who can happily tell my life stories, from a single know-nothing blurr girl to a woman who’s counting days to the new phase which she’s about to enter. I have enjoyed the life of a single, and now I can’t wait to embark on a new journey with him.

So to all singletons…don’t fret about not finding the one yet. Keep praying, the person’s out there. Maybe just around the corner, waiting for the right time when he/she will emerge and change your life forever. Sounds too good to be true ehh, heh.. but it’s possible. And it sure happens in real life ;].

hardworking = sexy

2008-04-09T13:14:00.000-07:00

Once, there is this tagging thingey which usually circulated from blog to blog, presented me with this question, " Name 7 qualities that you like in a man". I remember taking some time to think of the most honest answer, i closed my eyes and imagined what is it in a man that appeals to my eyes. An image appeared, a vision of a man who is seriously concentrating on whatever task he is doing in front of him, his eyebrows furrowed deep like he's thinking hard. So focused into his work. So deeply engrossed. Quietly working on the task before him. Determined to complete any job assigned in the most-accomplished way possible.

And then i realised that ever since school, i find myself drawn to admire the boy who sits at his desk, quietly finishing his work. Barely ever heard his voice. Shadowed by other popular boys who walk macho-ly in groups. But this boy, the quiet, hardworking boy was the one i find myself staring at.

What had triggered me into pondering, thinking and now writing about this? The sudden realisation that hardworking man are attractive. To me, i mean. Not in a lustful way, if that's what you ppl are thinking. But in an admiring-respecting sort of way. The cause of it, my encounter with two men. One, is the techinican who tinted the window-pane in my clinic. And the other one is the man who snap my passport photos in the 50-yrs old photo studio. Both share the same quality, they strived for perfection. Walk fast, as if every second matter. Their face wore the same expression, a quiet determination. Talk less, work more. They remind me of one of my Chinese friend in uni. I remember him, in spite of his not-very-good command of Malay and English languages ( he came from Chinese-educated background), he's a joy to talk with. Helped me with my notes, willing to spend time helping me working on my dentures. Once, he tells me his future plan, all mapped out in terms of years. His 5-yrs plan. His 10-yrs plan. Hardworking, with visions. I know he will be a successful man one day.

What makes hardworking man seems utterly man-ly. The willingness to stretch their ability to the limit. The wanting to challenge their potential to the maximum. The perspiration forming on their forehead, neck and shoulders, wettening their shirt. The seriousness they display, not wanting to settle to anything less than their very best. They take pride in the work they do, they value the end-products of the effort they put in. 'Bekerja dengan tulang empat kerat' says the old Malay adage. Knowing that hard work and perseverance maketh a man.

Recalling myself observing the technician at work, meticulously putting the black-tint paper in correct position. And later he stood admiring his work,a silent proud on his face. His job might seem nothing to some people's eyes, but he sure is proud of it. And tried his best to make the best job he could.

It's not the six-pack abs that matters. Not the mushy, love words that are said but not meant. And certainly not the tall, dark and handsome man but walks with head high in arrogance. At the end of the day, a woman seeks someone she feels most protected and safe with. Someone who she knows is willing to work hard for a decent living. Someone whom she will later depend on, trusting her future in his hand.

See, it’s not that hard to impress a woman ehh? ;]

infidelity

2008-02-18T01:12:00.000-08:00

I’m seething with anger …=[

Know what I despise most? Infidelity. I feel nothing but contempt to people who are disloyal to their partner. People who commit adultery. All good opinions about that person dissolve entirely. And what’s left are my enormous hate and disrespect.

Don’t know why I was so enraged after hearing it. Suddenly I feel my eyes blurring with tears, more because of anger to the heartbreakers than pity to the hurt. If the men were there, I don’t know what I’d do. All sorts of visions played in my mind, things I imagined doing to the deceiving guys, who had for months lie discreetly about their ugly affairs. The image of me slapping hard on his face. Me, staring at his eyes with disgust, and when he ask what i was staring at, I’ll reply nonchalantly “…naah, just examining a specific type of jerk ”. But what I wanted to do most was shout at the top of my lung to his face “..you stupid, ungrateful two-timer !!”.

I’ve repeated millions of time, over and over again. In my blog. To my friends. That when you have committed yourself to another person, be loyal. Be truthful. To that special someone. Especially to your own spouse whom you have bind yourself to under the name of God. If you think you are incapable of doing that, by all means refrain from getting involved seriously with any human being until you are sure that you are able to. If you don’t think you can focus your uncontrollable lust to only one person, don’t even dream of getting married yet, you’re just adding shame to your own kind. And stop using excuses like, “ we can’t help it, we have 9 akal and 1 nafsu..blabla..” Bleaahhh. Don’t cover your weakness by turning to the over-used and over-repeated defense of man-kind. Islam has guided the way. Al-Quran has showed us how. Admit your mistakes and repent.

I came across a hadith once, if I’m not mistaken, which reads something like this
(correct me if I’m wrong) “….dan apabila seseorang lelaki itu merasa berkeinginan (bernafsu) melihat seorang perempuan, baliklah ke rumah kepada isteri mereka. Kerana apa yang dicari ada pada isteri mereka…”

I’m not a female chauvinist here. In fact, almost all my idols in life are male figures. I have high admiration for a male’s calm and quiet confidence, the magnetic charisma emanated from some of them. Their ability to make snap decision, not to mention their rational perspectives about things. Which makes them great leaders. And it’s stated in the Quran, the proof of men’s importance in building a good nation. But sadly, not all of them deserve the salutation.

To my dear friends who are still nursing their broken heart, hear my word of advice. Look in the mirror. You have everything that will make any parents proud to have you as their daughter. You make any woman proud to have a person like you as their friend. And you possess all the things that will make any sensible-minded man proud to have you standing next to him as his woman. Be grateful, consider yourself lucky to be rid of such untrustworthy man. It’s not your loss, it’s the unlucky man’s loss for not realizing your worth. Look forward for tomorrow as many great, exciting things await you in front. These men, these deceitful men deserve no second chances. Instead of cursing fate, wondering silently what you did wrong that caused the change of heart, vow to yourself that you’ll bounce higher. You’ll achieve greater success in life and love. You’ll be stronger. You will attract positive people and things towards you like a magnet. And one day, the fickle-minded guy who had once ditched you for another girl will succumb to the deepest regret of his life. Serve him right!

We are far better on our own. Much more happier and successful building life without a weak, lubricious, no-good man at our feet who cause us misery, heartbreaks and wrinkles on our forehead. We deserve to be treated with respect and honesty from the one man we love most. Not cheated and lied at like some worthless door-mat. Once the trust is broken, there’s no turning back. He had that one chance, and he ruined it. Slam the door shut on his face. Let him learn his lesson so that he won’t repeat the same stupid mistake to another woman.

And for you, dear friend…the world is waiting for you to make your grand entrance. Held your head high, smile your brightest. Someone better who is worth your love is somewhere yet to be found. In the meantime, enjoy your singlehood. Do all the things you have missed doing while you were with him. Make as many friends as you can. Spread your kindness to people around you, and feel how kindness invites more kindness. I believe, as long as we have hope, we pray hard, with good intentions…good things will come to us. Trust me.

Hmm..i feel much better. =].

A phrase from Surah An- Nisa’ ayat 19,
“ Hai orang-orang yang beriman, tidak halal bagi kamu mempusakai wanita dengan jalan paksa, dan janganlah kamu menyusahkan mereka kerana hendak mengambil kembali sebahagian dari apa yang telah kamu berikan kepadanya, kecuali bila mereka telah melakukan pekerjaan keji yang nyata. Dan bergaullah dengan mereka secara patut. Kemudian bila kamu tidak menyukai mereka,(maka bersabarlah) kerana mungkin kamu tidak menyukai sesuatu, padahal Allah menjadikan padanya kebaikan yang banyak…”

And from Surah Al- Ahzaab, ayat 35,
“…Sesungguhnya lelaki dan perempuan yang muslim, lelaki dan perempuan yang mu’min, lelaki dan perempuan yang tetap dalam ketaatannya, lelaki dan perempuan yang benar, lelaki dan perempuan yang sabar, lelaki dan perempuan yang khusyuk, lelaki dan perempuan yang bersedekah, lelaki dan perempuan yang berpuasa, lelaki dan perempuan yang memelihara kehormatannya, lelaki dan perempuan yang banyak menyebut nama Allah, Allah telah menyediakan untuk mereka ampunan dan pahala yang besar….”

..and it's Allah, The Most Gracious Most Merciful, who knows best.

sweet-blooded

2008-02-08T19:47:00.000-08:00

Been having this frown on my face for the past few days. The two lines between my eyebrows, a sign that i'm thinking hard inside. There's something bothering me. Something that is constantly on my mind.

My mom used to say, " jika kita fikirkannya susah, susahlah jadinya.."....whenever i'm caught in situations which causes this wrinkle on my forehead. Like now. End up with me becoming so stressed out about it. Till it reaches a certain extent of being thoroughly tired. Physically and mentally. Drained inside out.

This is just the beginning of so many unknown things that awaits me in the future. This is minor compared to the rest. This is just the introduction, naz...

a writer's block ?

2008-01-11T04:43:00.000-08:00

So much things in mind. Dunno when or where to start.

What has happened to me, someone who 2 years ago couldn’t live if I don’t blog for 2 days. Someone who amidst daily life routine as a student, my mind would still be filled with ideas and thoughts to jot down in my blog. The amazing thing was, sometimes I don’t even have to plan the writings, it happens by itself in my mind, that makes me hurriedly search for a piece of paper to write before I lose it.

There were always things that catches my eyes and stimulates my mind to write. There were things that I would see as interesting to ponder. There were always people who I would view as a great subject for my writings. The days when writing and breathing is considered not much difference. For me I mean.

But now, I don’t know why or how, the ideas are there, but the words are nowhere to be found. I would sit and stare blankly at the computer screen for some time, feeling like someone who is forced to write. Gone were the days when the words flow like waterfalls, when I need to ‘brake’ myself or else I’ll never stop.

Seriously, what's wrong with me..?

Perihal manusia

2007-11-25T20:48:00.000-08:00

Teringat kan satu cerita ..

Dikisahkan Luqman Hakim dan anaknya berjalan merentasi kampung dengan seekor keldai. Ketika Luqman menunggang dan anaknya berjalan, org kampung berkata.." isshh, tengoklah si ayah tu, dia pulak menunggang dan dibiarkan anak yg masih kecil berjalan kaki..".

Sampai di kampung kedua, anaknya menunggang keldai dan Luqman berjalan kaki, org kampung memandang dari jauh dan berkata.." Alangkah tak patutnya si anak, dibiarkan bapa yg tua berjalan dan dia menunggang..".

Setibanya di kampung ketiga, kedua-dua mereka menunggang keldai itu, kali ini org kampung berkata pula.." lihatlah mereka berdua, sampai hati menyiksa binatang keldai itu untuk menanggung bebanan kedua mereka..".

Dan apabila tiba di persinggahan seterusnya, kedua-dua mereka berjalan kaki sambil diiringi keldai, org kampung berkata.." alangkah bodohnya mereka, ada keldai tidak pula ditunggangi.."

What do i learn from this story ?

- Antara sifat manusia - suka memperkatakan hal orang. Kita buat perkara baik, akan ada orang bercerita. Buat perkara jahat, lagi orang sekeliling mengata. Pendek kata, kalau kita sentiasa fikir apa orang akan kata, kita takkan dapat buat banyak perkara dalam hidup kita. Selagi apa yg kita buat tu tidak salah, tidak melanggar ajaran agama, pekakkan telinga dan teruskan kehidupan mengikut jalan pilihan kita. Anggap suara-suara orang sekeliling seperti nyamuk yang berdengung kat telinga. Keep ur head up, and keep moving forward.

Surah al-Furqaan, ayat 63 yang bermaksud :

"...dan hamba-hamba Tuhan Yang Maha Penyayang itu (ialah) orang-orang yang berjalan di atas bumi dengan rendah hati dan apabila orang-orang jahil menyapa mereka, mereka mengucapkan kata-kata yang baik.."

- Jangan jadi manusia yang mengata dan mengumpat, bercerita hal buruk orang lain. Mama pernah kata," orang yg boleh bercerita keburukan manusia lain kepada kita, tak mustahil dia juga boleh bercerita keaiban dan perihal kita pd org2 lain ". Cuba elakkan diri dr ter'involved' dgn mengumpat. Tanamkan niat, insyaAllah..Allah akan melorongkan jalan. Apabila berada dlm kumpulan kawan-kawan yg tgh rancak mengata, try to change the topic, or politely excuse yourself from the group.

Surah al- Furqaan, ayat 72 yang bermaksud :

"..dan orang-orang yang tidak memberikan persaksian palsu, dan apabia mereka bertemu dengan ( orang -orang ) yang mengerjakan perbuatan-perbuatan yang tidak berfaedah, mereka lalui (saja) dengan menjaga kehormatan dirinya .."

- Manusia dicipta pelbagai. Ada yang begini ada yang begitu. Cara hidup yang dipilih juga macam-macam. Ada yang boleh dijadikan contoh, ada juga yang harus ditaladani. Ada sebab dan tujuan atas setiap kejadian. Belajar daripadanya.

Surah al-Jumu'ah, ayat 10 yang bermaksud :

"...apabila telah ditunaikan sembahyang, maka bertebaranlah kamu di muka bumi; dan carilah kurnia Allah dan ingatlah Allah banyak-banyak supaya kamu beruntung.."

Hmm..untuk ingatan diri sendiri yang mudah benar lupa.

love letters

2007-11-08T16:30:00.000-08:00

Some time ago, in 2006,...

" what are u doing..?"
" im writing letters.."
" to him..?"
" yes..."
" what for..?"
" saja..."
" better dont..one day it will be an evidence.."
" huh? what do u mean by evidence.?" ( looking up from the letters )
" of something that was once there, but it ended...it will be an evidence of ur past relationships. Why leave behind a 'black-and-white' evidence ..? Just contact thru phone sj lah,...."
i looked at her in disbelief. An evidence of a past relationship..?! What is she talking about, preparing me for a relationship break ups..? How can anyone be so cynical-unromantic-pessimistic about life, more else love...haisshh....

One thing here, i never intend to end the relationship. Secondly, yes, love letters will one day be an evidence. But for me, instead of putting it as the evidence of an ugly crime tht was once commited, i see it as a memory of sthg sweet that i want to bring along with me in the future. Though we never know what God has in store for us, with the power of prayers, insyaAllah...i optimistically believe that if our intention is good, good things will come..=]

My father keeps his collection of love letters with my mom, from the first neatly-typed letter from him, to the scribbled two-lines notes which my mom would later receive in like..errmm,once in a blue moon..?? (..heh..guys, the early efforts never last ehh, i guess it fades with time.. ). It's almost unbelievable, looking at his unromantic ways, the man who's not used to showing affection in public and feelings to people. I remember my ayah tells me the journey of their love letters, how my dad decided to type his letters using the old, clunking noisy typewriter, just because he didnt want to expose his almost illegible handwriting to my mom. And i could recall the look of joy and love on his face as he entailed the memories of their love letters. He laminated the letters and keep it in a file, saying that one day he would open it and share with us and his grandchildrens, much to my mother's horrified glare at his idea. hehe..

Why do we write letters, ..? Because we're thinking of that person, feeling the sudden urge to talk to him, while at the same time having no idea what it is. Because we're missing him/her, so bad that we have to let it out by 'talking' to him through writings. And also, because we want to tell something, saying things we know we wouldnt able to say it out verbally. Something that only love letters could do to express the voices inside us.

Quoting something i read in The Sun newspaper, Feb 2007, an article by Eva Neumann " Romance in Letters',.."Feelings that are expressed in words can be re-read and re-lived ". True.

Well..i write letters. Still do. Heh..try doing it once,ppl.. write a love letter to that special someone, and see the effect it has on your loved ones...;]

" in times of crises, it can help to remind couples what their love is all about.." - Heliane Shenelle, family therapist in Cologne

ubat hati

2007-09-30T16:29:00.000-07:00

“ Ubat hati, ada lima perkara..
Yang pertama, baca Quran dan maknanya..
Yang kedua, solat malam dirikanlah..
Yang ketiga, duduk bersama orang soleh..”

Terdengar nasyid dari negara seberang ini dalam radio IKIM.fm masa tengah bawa kereta perjalanan balik ke rumah di Puchong. Terasa sangat Tuhan kasihkan aku. Saat-saat jiwa lalai, diingatkan aku kembali.

Masih ingat lagi, ayah bagi tafsir Quran sehari sebelum aku mendaftar di sekolah SMAPL 12 tahun dulu..( waah…terasa tuanya aku skrg..).
Dan Quran ini lah yang aku kilik ke matriks, ke universiti sehingga ke tempat aku bekerja skrg. Dari kulitnya baru berkilat, sehingga koyak dan terpaksa dibalut. Tetap yang ini.

Tafsir Quran yang menjadi tempat aku memfasihkan bacaan ayat Tuhan. Kalam yang aku dakap dan hadap sejak sekolah hingga sekarang. Teringat kata-kata seorg kawan masa kat universiti dulu..” hadiah terbaik yang kita boleh bagi seseorang adalah al-Quran. Selagi orang itu membacanya, selagi itulah pahalanya mengalir pada kita..”.

Kitab yang menjadi buku cerita terhebat. Kisah manusia, Penciptaan alam semesta. Hukum dalam Islam, tatakrama kehidupan. Kedahsyatan hari kiamat diceritakan dalam surah an-Naba’, at-Takwiir, al-Infithaar, al-Insyiqaaq. Surah al-Waaqiah tentang pembahagian manusia kepada 3 golongan. Surah Al-Fajr dan al-Qiyaamah. Sambil mulut membaca ayat, selang-selikan dengan membaca tafsir ayatnya, aqar dapat lebih menghayati apa yang kita baca.

Dan kadang-kadang tu, bila hati rasa tidak tenang, rasa resah gelisah memikirkan segala macam masalah manusia, masa tengah baca dan belek tafsir, mata akan terpandang beberapa baris maksud ayat. Seolah-olah diberi penawar kepada rasa gelisah, yang menjawab persoalan2 dalam kepala. Betapalah pertolongan Tuhan itu datang di saat kita amat memerlukannya. Dan sekali lagi akan terasa, betapa Allah Maha Pengasih Maha Penyayang. Selangkah kita mencarinya, seribu langkah Dia datang.

Semoga sama-sama kita memanfaatkan Ramadhan, agar tidak rugi dan menyesal melepaskan peluang yg hanya datang sekali dlm setahun. Sebulan untuk tarbiyyah diri yg 'lalai'. Bulan mendidik hawa nafsu dan mensucikan hati. Bulan keberkatan yg setiap saat di dalam bulan ini menjanjikan peluang keampunan dan rahmat yg berlipatganda. Tak tahu nasib kita tahun depan, masih berkesempatankah bertemu Ramadhan sekali lagi...

Doakan saya jugak ye..=]

p/s : ermm..tak boleh nak re-call ayat seterusnya dlm nasyid td, yg keempat dan kelima...anyone nak tolong ? =]

different

2007-09-29T10:42:00.000-07:00

It’s always not easy when you are a lil bit different from people around you.

You will attract eyes to you when you wear a green top with bright pink skirt, when everyone else wear the ordinary, common colours.
You will draw attention when you choose to ride a bicycle to work when the rest of your colleagues drive big cars, leaving you behind with the dust fumes.
You will be considered weird if you bury your head in books, when the rest of your workmates sit around at one table gossiping.
You will be jeered as being too outspoken, if you stand up during meetings and give opinions about certain matters that you think is not right.
And you will be questioned continuously by people when you choose a different path from them.

You will be constantly the talk among people.
You are forever noticeable.
Because you choose to be different.

Put a deaf ear. Put a blind eye to them. Shut your mouth, grit your teeth and just do whatever you have put your mind into. As long as you’re not doing anything that’s against the law or religion, you are allowed to venture into whatever road you want albeit what the rest says.

It’s gonna be hard,..because you choose a path that no one else dare enough to go into. It’s hard because this path you’ve chosen is not a popular choice among people and you’ve got to start from scratch and work yourself up all by yourself. It’s hard to prove to yourself when people around doesn’t really understand and support. And sometimes, you cant help but silently question yourself during the down days..” did I make the right choice..?”

Don’t be discouraged by people’s doubt and questioning look. Don’t be disturbed by their ordinariness. Don’t be bothered by their negative remarks. When your heart are filled with a burning desire plus an unshakeable faith that this is what you want, by all means, do it. Because you will succeed.

There's nothing wrong choosing the left turn when the others turn right. In fact, it makes you stand out in the crowd of people. It makes you unique and special. It shows that you're brave and highly-determined to go amidst the risk, no matter how difficult or challenging the path is.

You choose to stand up for what you believe in. You choose to be the person you are today. You chose to be different when the rest prefers the safeness of their comfort zone. You keep going forward no matter what the others say in order to reach the dreams you’ve been wanting all your life.

Don’t stop now. Don’t change for other people’s sake. Don’t back-off until you have tried all means to achieving your dream.

Because you will succeed. InsyaAllah =]

'mencari cinta'

2007-09-23T20:57:00.000-07:00

Aku bukan kayu
Meski kelihatannya kaku
Aku juga butuh cinta
Agar bisa hidup sempurna

Aku bukan tunggul
Yang sesuka hati aja kau senggul
Aku punya perasaan
Meski jarang benar aku lihatkan

Aku bukan patung boneka
Yang rela dijaja kepada sesiapa
Dibuat hiasan almari kaca
Sedang aku menangis meronta
Apa guna dipuja, diangkat derjat tinggi ke menara
Andai jiwaku
Kosong tak bernyawa
Tidak bahagia

Aku manusia biasa
Mungkin agak berbeda dari mereka
Jasad rohani tetap serupa
Biar falsafah hidup tidak sama
Matlamat akhir sealiran sekata
Mencari cinta dalam redha-Nya

Lantas ..
Izinkanku terbang
Benarkan ku bebas melayang
Dalam pengabdian hidup sebagai insan
Yang nafas diberi sekadar pinjaman
Entah esok, mungkin lusa..harus kupulangkan
Sebelum tiba ketikanya, sebelum suntuk masa,
Aku juga ingin bercinta.

- justme,2006

Be brave and confess !

2007-09-09T12:20:00.000-07:00

Fear of rejection. That's what holding most people from admitting their feelings or confessing their heart. We fear being turned down. Fearing the word 'failure / loser' printed on our face after the rejection. Cursing ourselves later for being too bold, going on bended knees in front of tht person. And worry to risk the comfortable friendship that might be slightly awkward after the confession.

So much things to worry. So little time.

But if you don't tell the person now, would you one day, after 10 years, be wondering and asking to yourself questions like.." what if i had tell what i feel about her/him..?" ... and " what if she/he had said yes..?".

When i was in matriculation, there was this guy who works as a cook in the cafeteria. I know him as the guy who ties a piece of cloth over his head, smiling shyly each time i place my order. One day, i went to eat by myself, waiting for my usual order -nasi goreng pattaya- while watching tv. He came from the kitchen, holding in his hand my plate of rice and place it in front of me, which was a bit weird because usually we have to go and get the food ourselves. When i look down at my nasi goreng pattaya, it took quite a while for me to register the words scribbled with ketchup on it. It reads ' I love u' with 'love' written in the shape of heart. I sit looking straight at my plate, not sure how to react. Should i politely smile while cheerfully wave to him, saying sthg like " thank you,.....hehehehe!" ( which sound terribly stupid when i think of it now ). Or should i pretend not noticing the words and began hungrily crushing his work of art with fork and spoon? What i remember was thinking to myself as i eat..

" what a creative way to express one's feeling... "

The point here is, be brave and say it out. Honestly and humbly. Maybe the person would respond by saying sthg like.." thank you, but i like us better as friends..", at least you have tried. By keeping it inside while you still got the chance, what good will it do. You never know what you might be missing by letting the opportunity pass by without you trying to take action to it. And if your honest confession resulted with disappointment, at least in the eyes of that person hearing you sincerely pouring your heart content, her impression of you has changed. She will see you differently, silently admiring your act of bravery. (well,..it is one act of courage, how many of us dare enough to admit our feelings to the person we like upfront..?)

So..to everyone who's still very single, if your eyes and heart are set on someone, ( who is also single .. ;]), don't waste time hesitating. Get to know that person, pray hard to God may HE will lead and guide the way, and think positively..insyaAllah, if your intention is good, good things will come to you. And if that person prefer a 'friendship' instead of sthg more than that, it's okay..don't be discouraged, at least you have found one friend. And someone else is yet to be met...like the saying i read some time ago.." if you don't get what you want, just sit still and be patient, because God is thinking of something better for you.."

What that guy did sure was sweet, and that made him remembered till now. His readiness to be bold and confess, knowing there's a risk of rejection but he still did it anyway..

a friendly dental reminder =]

2007-07-16T14:08:00.000-07:00

Whoever claims that dentist has the most perfect set of teeth,..i have to say tht i disagree with this statement. But if the sentence were changed a little to " dentist knows better how to take care of teeth, "..then maybe i would say yeap, because that's what we're here for. To be the one spreading the words about oral health and hygiene. Recalling a colleague's usual answer when asked about what she does for a living..-" .. i take care of ppl's teeth !" -=]

I dont have perfect set of teeth myself. Malocclusion, uneven teeth colour...u name it. In fact, i often joke with friends.." i have excellent set of teeth that can be used as exam's cases!". But i try my best to make sure it's clean. And it's not hard to achieve,.. you dont have to be a dentist to have squeaky, clean, a well-taken care of teeth. You just need some drive in yourself, to realise that having a clean, healthy oral condition is a MUST, and willing to kick lazy, filthy habits out into the bin.

Sometimes it's hard to pretend that i didnt notice the swollen gums of friends who's happily chatting and laughing in front of me, a sign of gum inflammation which usually caused by plaque. And i could see the accumulation of plaque ( when there's abundance of it,..) all around the gingival margins of front teeth, indicating lack of proper brushing ( or maybe not brushing at all..?). Seriously people, i can see all tht...( thanks to the 5 years training )

There's nothing wrong having crooked teeth, as long as it's clean. And I dont mind being asked by friends several questions about their teeth, as i'm more than willing to help. Obvious things like big cavities at the front teeth, terribly, terribly swollen gums not to mention the plaques around..just tells what kind of person you are. How can u look in the mirror, not noticing such obvious defect at your front teeth, unless you just couldnt bother to care about your own oral hygiene. Well..at least, think about your spouses, who have to endure and bear your not-so-good oral status each time they kiss you..=/

There are of course, treatment available. But most importantly, prevention is always better than cure. Brush your teeth well. Keep your mouth odour fresh and pleasant. Make a habit to gargle vigorously with water after eating to remove food debris. Be your own judge, look in the mirror and grin widely exposing yor upper and lower teeth, do you like what you see.? Remember that it's not a straight, well-aligned, pearly set of teeth that we aim for, ( no one is perfect i know )..we just want clean teeth. Not too much to ask right..=]

So, being the new dentist,.., here's a few things to say,..as a short dental reminder ;].

1. Consciously brush your teeth, stand in front of the mirror so u'll see what u're doing more clearly. ( instead of just running ur toothbrush aimlessly ). And no, brushing should not only take about 5 seconds,..spend more minutes to ensure tht u really manage to reach all the teeth, esp the last molars.

2. Make a system, start from right moving to the middle and left. Begin by brushing the front part and progress to the the back. Whatever way, it's up to ur style or preference in brushing ur teeth, as long as u're brushing effectively. Tht way, you wont miss a spot.

3. No, mouthwash is not a substitute to teeth-brushing. It's a complement to oral hygiene regime, but there's no exception ..u still have to brush !

4. We know tht our job includes cleaning ur teeth, by means we do scaling and give oral hygiene instructions to those who needs it. It just ... we trully appreciate if patients could at least gargle with some water before coming to see us..? ( if u could brush first, tht would be much better =] ). It helps to remove the residual chicken, kangkungs and chilli bits stuck to the teeth, and creates a more pleasing appearance as u open ur mouth in front of us..

5. If your gum bleeds when u brush, it might be a symptom of some periodontal problem. Get your teeth checked. Gum will bleeds easily when it's inflammed, which like i said earlier usually caused by plaque that's left for long around gingival margins. Take good care of oral hygiene, brush effectively ( note the word used 'effectively'..not 'frequent brushing using the wrong technique').

6. When you stand in front of the mirror, dont just marvel at what a great-fit- bod you have. Peer closer to the mirror, and examine your teeth. Is there any white, yellowish thick layers at the junction of your gum and teeth, or between teeth? It might be the long-standing plaque that stood undisturbed by your improper brushing. Or is there any brown, blackish cavities on any teeth surfaces that need filling?

7. Please, please..gargle after eating. Gargle vigorously. It helps a lot as we smtmes can't straight away reach for our toothbrush, at least some gargling will wash away the food debris and preventing it from getting stuck to our teeth for long.

8. And last but not least..bear this in mind, tht our teeth is just like any part of our body. See it as important as our fingers, toes, and our belly-button ( just naming a few ). Imagine our life without them. So..make sure to love and care about your teeth..the way you care about other body parts.

Well..people, least i can do...hehe. Still learning a lot myself. Tata..!

" cleaner teeth, fresher breath, a more confident you! "- =D

p/s : how many times i repeat the word 'clean' in here ?.. must be almost a dozen!

the storeroom

2007-06-18T22:41:00.000-07:00

A small rectangular room, you couldn't stuff too many people in it at one time or else you'll die of oxygen shortage. It will be too saturated that you end up standing facing one another, not having a space to budge more else sit.

The storeroom, my favourite hiding place in hospital.

The place where i'll be when i dont want to be disturbed. Though it's really hard to get some peace and quiet even when you are secluding yourself in that room, as there will always be people poking their head at the door ( maybe those who seek the same reason as me ), and would go.." ops, sorry.., ingat takde org tadi ". And when i was just about to close my eyes in the comfort of silence, the cleaning lady would enter and start banging around with mops and brooms. I will patiently wait for her to finish doing whatever she's doing, and have to remind her for like every time.." kak, nanti tolong rapatkan balik pintu bila akak keluar ye..", which she usually forget and leave the door hanging open. Sighh...

A good place when you want to be alone. When there's this thing on my mind, i will head towards that small room and slowly close the door behind me, needing the time to be with myself. When im sleepy and need a few mins to doze off. When i want to read my novel peacefully or write. When i'm bored or too tired to talk with anyone, then the storeroom would be the most ideal place to sit and relax. A place where there'll be only me, staring into space.

The small room consists of two, old and unused chairs, situated facing the wall. If i outstretched my leg i believe i can reach the wall opposing it with my toes, to describe how small the room is ( or how long my leg are hehe ). There are boxes, quite a number of boxes containing stuff like the black garbage plastics, tissue papers, 'tikar', slippers etc. And wall of lockers used by the DSA's to keep their belongings, ( which also one of the reason why ppl alwys come in to the store room, killing my precious silence..). And there's this cleaning trolley , with all sorts of detergents. But what i like most about the store room is its big, glass window. The source of sunlight to the dark room, and when the clinic gets too cold, i will find warmth in the room, standing facing the glass window, drinking in the warmness of the sun while watching ppl's cars parked below. Floating into dreamland, i would imagine me driving the big cars, speeding like Angelina Jolie in 'Mr & Mrs Smith"..( fuuuh),with big 'cindy crawford' sunglasses on my nose, driving effortlessly as everyone gawked and stared at this speeding lady..hehehe..

Enough of dreaming.

Well..i guess the storeroom fulfill one need in me, the need to be with myself, the need to be alone. When the only company tht we want is ourself and the voice that we want to hear is our own. And sometimes too, when i sit on the old chair, in that small store room talking to him who is so far away from me....suddenly the room becomes the most comfortable place.

So..people, if you come looking for me and can't find me anywhere, try checking the storeroom. I might be in there.

heartbreak

2007-05-29T12:39:00.000-07:00

Aku pernah tanya someone,.." macamana rasanya putus cinta ?.."
Dia jawab.." rasa sakit yang macam menyucuk kat hati..".

And the other day i was watching tv..there's this scene where the actor explained how he felt to be heartbroken for the first time..
" rasa sakit yang pelik yg menyerang secara tiba-tiba ..di sini" ( sambil tgn menunjuk ke arah dada )
" kadang-kadang rs sakit sehingga tak boleh tidur.."
" kadang-kadang sakit hingga rs mcm tak boleh bernafas.."

An unexpected stab of pain, that left you feeling so sad and hurt that u couldn't breath.

It must be really painful.

flock of birds

2007-04-22T17:46:00.000-07:00

Heh, that's how i see it. A flock of white birds flapping feathers every morning. Analogy aside, it means a group of fresh new dentists with our white coats going for ward rounds. Tailing obediently behind our boss, the man with a charming smile =p. ( Just stating the obvious, no feelings involved, thank you.)

yeap, that's where i am now, doing my hospital attachments until August. The first few weeks were depressing, but eventually im starting to enjoy my hospital days. Made some new friends who make my days sunny, with our suppressed laughters and controlled giggles, ( we are not allowed to turn the clinic into some sort of 'pasar' with our woman-ly chat ). Ohh..and it's women's conferences alright, as there are less than 10 males around. heheh..

It's the morning ward rounds that starts our days in hospital. Equipped with notebook and pen ( and smtmes,to those who are not on ward duty, we'll go melenggang to ward ..hehe), marching in group. Us, the nine new female FYDOs ( which DrD smtmes would playfully declare " ..whoa..im surrounded by my dayang-dayang !!! ") with that big grin on his face. And we would go and see patients, note their conditions and write in the bed ticket. The times where we can see reality right in front of our eyes. The looks of parents waiting patiently by the bedside. The sad, hopeful eyes. The sufferings of another human being, lying with all sorts of injuries and conditions. It makes me shudder slightly, silently whisper a prayer in my heart.
" Ya Allah, sejahterakanlah mereka, dan jauhkanlah dari kami , wahai Tuhan Maha Memberi Perlindungan .."

Each time we push open the ward door and walk in groups towards the patient's bed, i can feel everyone's eyes following us. Our footsteps making a certain rhythm on the ward floor. I used to found their staring a bit uncomfortable, but now..as we got it almost every morning, it is now a part of the daily routine. their staring, and us walking. I like to see the morning ward rounds as our morning exercise, to perk us up and get our muscles moving. Smtmes, we purposely pick the stairs instead of the elevators, throwing one bird with two stones. Going for ward rounds and getting a healthier body... hehe.

I will be on ward duty next week, so let say it's gonna be quite a week, hopefully not too many motor-vehicle accidents (MVA) cases. Another ward round..everyone..=]

Be ready to fly, 'flock of birds' !

bila diam

2007-04-18T13:55:00.000-07:00

Dah lama tak betul-betul diam. Diam sehingga apa yang didengari telinga hanyalah suara dr kepala sendiri. Masa terbaik untuk berfikir. Dan merenung diri.

Mungkin kerana kurangnya diam ini yang menjadikan aku mati idea bila duduk menghadap komputer. Sedangkan banyak yang aku ingin ceritakan. Peristiwa yang aku lihat. Perasaan yang aku rasa. Tak tahu mana hilangnya ....

Hmm...

Aku pernah tulis dahulu, tentang sifat manusia. Manusia yang tak pernah puas hati, sentiasa tamak dan mahukan lebih. Manusia yang lupa bersyukur dan hanya akan ingat bila sudah tiada atau memerlukan. Manusia yang tak boleh hidup bersendirian kerana fitrah yang diciptakan berpasangan. Tentang perasaan manusia yang tidak kekal, sepertimana tidak kekalnya manusia itu sendiri.

Mengetahui hakikat manusia begini, kenapa nak dikeluh-kesahkan atau disedihkan dengan perkara-perkara yang suatu hari nanti akan lenyap dan hilang dari hidup kita. Yang tidak kekal. Manusia akan mati. Memang akan sangat sedih dan merana, tapi Tuhan dengan segala kebijaksanaan-Nya yang Maha Agung menciptakan manusia itu perasaan yang boleh berubah-ubah. Rasa sedih takkan lama, satu hari nanti akan ketawa semula. Rasa sayang yang teramat juga ada pasang dan surutnya. Dan yang pergi akan ada pengganti.

Apa yang ada dalam tangan kita hari ni, bersyukur. Apa yang tiada atau hilang dari kita, redha dan percaya pasti ada kebaikan di sebaliknya.

" Ya Allah..jangan Kau lupakan atau abaikan aku, di saat aku menjauh dari-Mu kerana kelemahanku. ..."

know your limits

2007-04-12T12:23:00.000-07:00

It's really important to know ones limit. When u dont know, say u dont. Dont go pretending to be knowledegble and inflict harm on another human with your foolish, arrogant act. Dont act 'bodoh sombong', yet dont be proud not knowing the stuffs you know you should. It's normal to not knowing everything, but you have to go back and read up.

When you're dealing with human, those who trust their life on you...it gives you boundariless and unimaginable power under the tittle 'doctor'. These people, they dont have the priviledge of knowing stuffs you learn in school, some simply shrug their shoulders and say.." ikutlah doktor nak buat apa pun.." (err..i dont really like this attitude..). Imagine what u can do when ppl enthrust such power on you. Without good conscience, you can be the biggest of all evils. Because you are in the position where u can do whatever you wish to the patient sitting in front of you. Esp when u are working in areas where they cant really see what u are doing, eg the oral region..( some of them can even happily sleep on the chair while the dentist is working..)

Just bear one thing in mind, that 'God is watching'. Everything that we do, every thought that crosses our mind will one day be questioned and witnessed in front of us in the Days of Judgement. If that can't make our knees buckle with fear, well..then, i dont know what will.

learn to say.." im sorry, i dont know.., but i will look up."

dear road-users...

2007-03-27T21:53:00.000-07:00

4th december 2006. The first day i began my driving. On the road. By myself. Hehe...

To those who followed my entries in the previous blog would have a lil bit of idea on how i struggle to learn driving. To beat my fears. To overcome the haunting words in my head that keep saying.." u are just among the few who can't drive..!" I remembered even having this idea of putting a sticker at the back of my car ( if i ever drive !) that reads.." i'm a bad driver, please be careful around me..". Until one day, i was assigned to work at a place where i can't car-pool with anyone, and the idea of getting a bus was just out of question..then i knew that i had to do it, i have to drive.

The unstoppable thumping of the heart, the cold sweats forming on my forehead, the dryness of mouth due to extreme nervousness behind the wheels, ..the uncertainty of whether to change lane now or wait another 2 seconds, the loud-long honking from cars, casting a glare as they drive pass me while muttering to themselves...," who is this slow 'turtle' thinking that she can drive..? "..or.." what is this 'makcik' doing?..so-slowww!!.." or.." where exactly is this lost girl heading..?". Heh..phewww...

Not to mention the parking experiences. The 30-mins attempt to park the car in a not-so-senget position. The constant praying in me " dear God, please let me get this one right..", as i stare unblinkingly to the side mirrors, squeezing the car in a super-slow movement..trying to reverse-park between cars. The early days when i would wake up early in the morning to secure a good parking space ( where i'll be the first one to park the Kenari, and there'll be no worries of hitting any innocent car accidentally ). Or the times when i would go to Jusco, and park in distant areas, comforting myself by saying.." well.. i need the exercise anyway.." whereas the truth was, i'd rather walk 2km than try to park in a crowded parking lot. Another phewww....

And now, though still considered as not-a-really-good-experienced driver, i can say with some confidence that i can drive, able to start the engine, press the pedals, and manouver the car..in a quite acceptably well manner. I still get the honkings, still have the look of confusion and uncertainty sometimes, ..still take quite a while to park compared to other people...but well, im trying, and am improving . That's wht matters.

And i would like to thank the strangers..who albeit their impatience and hurry, considerately wait behind me when i tried to park in shopping complexes. ( though they were some jerks too....oh well,). The guys who helpfully give direction on how to turn the steering wheel when my car was stuck in weird position. The people who assist me willingly at the petrol station, when i was standing there clueless of how-to-do this-thing. The people who understand my difficulty in changing lanes...guiding the way by slowing down and letting me in safely. The drivers who would honk me when i drove too far to the right, which might cause dangers to other ppl, and myself. Thank you for helping me learn better on the road..=]

And amazingly, i discovered that i quite like driving. In fact, i enjoy driving. It gives me a sense of freedom that i dont feel elsewhere. The feeling of being on my own, controlling the steering and driving at a steady speed. And now, since im travelling from Kl - Seremban daily ( for the time being..), having to drive through the highways everyday..i realised that i was having a good time driving, though yeah..a bit tiring and not very cost-effective, but ..at least, i know that i dont suffer on road, and enjoying my ride. Well...pray for me ppl, and let us all be a better driver, a good, courteous road-users..~ =]

buat aku tersenyum

2007-03-26T22:22:00.000-07:00

Datanglah sayang dan biarkan ku berbaring
Di pelukanmu walaupun 'tuk sejenak
Usaplah dahiku dan kan kukatakan semua

Bila kulelah tetaplah disini
Jangan tinggalkan aku sendiri
Bila kumarah biarkanku bersandar
Jangan kau pergi untuk menghindar

Rasakan resahku dan buat aku tersenyum
Dengan canda tawamu walaupun 'tuk sekejap
Karna hanya engkaulah yang sanggup redakan aku

Karna engkaulah satu-satunya untukku
Dan pastikan kita selalu bersama
Karna dirimulah yang sanggup mengerti aku
Dalam susah ataupun senang

Dapatkah engkau s'lalu menjagaku
Dan mampukah engkau mempertahankanku

Bila kulelah tetaplah disini
Jangan tinggalkan aku sendiri
Bila kumarah biarkanku bersandar
Jangan kau pergi untuk menghindar..

"..it's a wonderful thing to fall in love, but what's more wonderful is to find yourself falling in love with the same person each and every time..."

power of gift

2007-03-20T22:44:00.000-07:00

One thing about receiving a present or gift from another person is that,.. you will never forget that person. Because as long as that particular gift is in your hand, whenever your eyes catch a glance of that thing, your brain will instantly draw the picture of that person in your mind, the person who gives that special thing to you. Someone who had think of you so much that he or she had to got you something, as if to tell you indirectly that .." hey..im thinking of u here..".

It doesnt have to be a big, pricey material...the greatest thing about a gift is simply realising that someone, somewhere had think of you.

and that's all that matters.

healing words

2007-02-20T22:25:00.000-08:00

Found these in my box of old stuffs, where i keep my yesteryears belongings, memories from my schooling days.

" dear naz, whatever your spm result might be, you are already a winner because you are a person who cares about doing your best, you care about trying to fulfill the expectations of your parents, you care about being a better person. Most of all, you are a winner because i know that u have tried your best for this coming spm. However you may perform in your spm, you are a special person because you have a warm heart and kind thoughts for others.."
- kak g, 9 th nov 1999

" ...As you are on the verge of "going away from the computer"..I'd like to offer some thoughts tht i got here tht i think might inspire you. Get out of home to study is a jihad, and whatever you do as long as u put your intentions on the path of Allah, all of your doings are good deeds. Make friends with as many people as you can..be good to them and show gratitude for what they have done to you. Money always be a big thing for human beings, but money can never buy friends. Money can never but the satisfaction of having good friends...money never buy the beautiful impression of you, and the upmost, money never buy a decent relationship with Allah. It's Allah who knows everything, anything for eternity..."
- a friend,somewhere between 2000 - 2001.

betrayal of trust

2007-02-11T22:51:00.000-08:00

" there is nothing in the world like the devotion of a married woman - it is a thing no married man knows anything about " - Oscar Wilde

hmm...

know what makes infidelity in marriage seems so unforgivable..? Because it is covered with thick layers of lies. That u just can't bring urself to believe a single word tht comes out from ur cheating spouse's mouth ever again.

I know..saying is alwys easier. " I forgive u, let's just forget the whole thing and rebuild our life". But the truth is, it's never gonna be the same . The picture of ur beloved life partner sprawled naked next to another woman..will never be erased from ur mind, no matter how u try to. And the thought that this person whom u love and trust with all ur heart has betrayed you,..u can never look at him with the same eyes again.

Trust is a very precious thing. We dont just trust everyone, and to gain someone's trust is not something tht u could attain in a day or two, might even take years. And once that trust is betrayed, destroyed by one act of stupidity, to regain the same level of trust and create the familiar ambience of love and affection that was once flourishing happily in ur marriage life..well, let just say it's not going to be an easy work. If it ever succeed.

I've just watched 'Gubra'. Found myself thinking about the story, the part where Arif who appears to be a loving husband and good son-in-law..yet at the same time philandering behind his wife's back. I tried putting myself in the 'lonely husband's' shoes, using reason like " i was lonely, u were away all the time " to validate the action of sleeping with another person, but i can't even imagine it. I can't comprehend how anyone with a sane mind and good conscience could lie so discreetly to someone u vowed u love. How can u look into ur wife's eyes and say all those sweet words of love knowing the fact that u're guilty like sin behind her back. How can u make love to ur wife when at the same time u know ( and u very well know..! ) that the thing of urs was inside someone else's just two nights ago..i just can't understand it!..( sorry for the harsh words used, i can get very emotional talking about this..).

Value the trust given to us. Remember that not everything can be corrected by just saying " im sorry ". Time will definitely heal the wound, but the scar will remains, as remnants of yesterday's hurt and betrayal.

Dont be defeated by the brief passing of lust and temptation.
It's just not worth it.

it's the small things..=]

2007-02-05T00:06:00.000-08:00

Know wht i like most..? the small, ordinary things in life.....

Like looking up at the blue morning sky or staring at the black starry night.
Watching toddlers tumbling around to stand and take the first step, fall down and try again. The smell of rain, as i stand at the window watching it pouring down heavily. Old couples who walk together, each waiting for the other, and i would wonder to myself.." what keep them together till old age..?"
And the look of my loved ones, smiling or laughing at something.
I like all that.

Ordinary, but for me those are meaningful moments and things in life. Small and insignificant to some ppl, but it gives a certain glow on my face, a special feelings in my heart.

I remember one time when i was sitting for my final exam last year. I was on my way to campus around 12.30 pm when my phone rings. It was him, calling from the UK. But what make tht call so fondly remembered in my mind is the sound of his groggy voice, calling me in the middle of the night, awake from sleep just to wish me luck for my final exam. Hmm.....and i think, that was one of the moment when i realised that i have fallen for this man.

It does not have to be big things, what matters is that it touches the heart. And it's always the spontaneus, sincere deeds of others tht warms the heart and bring smile to the face...

Take time to appreciate the small things in life. Take time to see the beauty of the ordinary events in our everyday living. And take time to look at our loved ones from a distance, without them realising that they are being watched. Look at their smiling face when they laugh merrily, and feel the sudden burst of love pouring like waterfall inside you. It' s a trully wonderful feeling, ..really..=]

tooth saviour vs tooth slayer

2007-02-03T23:27:00.000-08:00

Smtmes i feel like i care about my patient's teeth more than they care about their own ...

drjustme : encik, sebenarnye gigi encik ni boleh diselamatkan lagi..kita masih boleh tampal, ..
Encik X : tak payahlah..cabut je. malas saya nak layan dh, dok sakit2 nih..
drjustme : ermm..saya boleh tampal, kalau encik mahu. Bila kita dh buang yang rosak kat dalam, sakitnye akan hilang..
Encik X : takpelah doktor, saya tak mahu dia sakit lagi..cabut je.
drjustme : well..

drjustme : puan..masalah gigi puan yang bnyk bergoyang ni, ialah disebabkan gusi puan yang tak sihat. Penyakit gusi yang dibiarkan tak dirawat menyebabkan gigi akan bergoyang, kerana sokongan gigi dalam tulang sudah tak kuat. Kita boleh rawat penyakit gusi ni puan, tak perlu kita cabut bnyk gigi sgt..
puan Y : takpelah doktor..cabut je lah, nanti saya nak buat gigi palsu..
drjustme : memang kita boleh buat gigi palsu, tapi takkan sama dgn gigi asal. Kalau gigi asal masih boleh diselamatkan, kita try save and jaga..drpd cabut dn pakai gigi palsu.
puan Y : takpe doktor, saya memang nak buat gigi palsu, cantik skett..
drjustme : tapi puann..( sigh )

W : doktor, tampal gigi dpt MC takk?
drjustme : kalau tampal , kita tak bg MC encik..sbb tak teruk sgt..kan
W : ohh..kalau mcm tu cabut jelah..
drjustme : Ehh..encik, takkan nak dicabut, gigi ni kuat lagi..bila dh ditampal, lama boleh pakai ni..
W : cabut je..saya nak MC lah..saya tak pergi keje tau hari ni..
drjustme : saya bagi time slip, kita tampal je, sayang gigi encik ni nak dicabut..
W : tak payah, tak payah... gigi saya..cabut je.
drjustme : hmm...

drjustme : ..saya sgt concerned dgn keadaan kesihatan mulut encik ni. Encik ni muda lagi, tapi keadaan kesihatan dan kebersihan mulut sgt membimbangkan..
encik A : heheeh ( sengih2..) saya berus gigi saya doktor..
drjustme: boleh saya tahu, dalam sehari berapa kali encik berus gigi..?
encik A : ermm..2 kali biasanye, kalau penat atau mengantuk..malam tak gosok hehehe..
drjustme: hmm..hari ni saya boleh scaling gigi encik, tapi mulai hari ni, berus gigi jangan kurang 2 kali sehari, terutama sekali waktu malam..
encik A : yelahh..saya cuba.

just recalling a few examples. I think some ppl dont realise how precious their teeth are, until they lose it. And trust me, false teeth or dentures are NOT even near in comparison to our natural teeth.

So people, love our teeth, take good care of them...( trust me, clean teeth, fresher breath..tht's the most important thing,..)

stop and read

2007-01-29T16:45:00.000-08:00

good things are to be shared.....so, read on..!=]

10 tips on maintaining integrity ( copied from The Sun newspaper, 2004 )

1. Clarify your own core values -

Determine the core values that you choose to live your life by and are willing to stand by them. Subsequently, translate them into a set of guiding principles. More importantly, conform to these principles in your daily behaviour and decision making.

2. Be truthful -

People are generally more tolerant of learning something they "dont want to hear" than finding out that someone lied to them. ( this is very true...)

3. Honour your promises -

Honouring promises and commitments is vital for people to perceive you as being dependable or reliable. Never make promises that you don't intend to keep. Similarly, never make decisions that you cannot support.

4. Show consistency in behaviour -

Consistency in behaviour is crucial for others to trust you. In Peter Drucker's words : " Effective learning....is not based on being clever; it is based primarily on being consistent ". Mistrust arises generally from not knowing what to expect.

5. Practise open and honest communication -

Open and honest communication engenders confidence and trustworthiness. Fully disclose relevant information to parties involved, ensure decision-making criteria are overtly clear, explain the rationale for your decisions and be forthright about problems.

6. Demonstrate fairness and objectivity -

Be objective and fair in your dealings with others. Make judgments based upon facts.

7. Take responsibility -

Admit mistakes or errors in judgments. Avoid blaming others for every problems.

8. Share credit for succeses -

Acknowledge others people's contributions.

9. Never violate confidences -

Maintain confidentiality. Resist the temptation to feel important by leaking secrets.

10. Maintain loyalty -

Be loyal to your friends or followers. Never manipulate them in pursuit of self-interest.

hmm...

2006-11-23T05:50:00.001-08:00

I was listening to this song played over the radio when suddenly i feel like i am the woman, who's regretting the lost opportunity. Like i can understand her feelings, longing for someone who was once there, waiting for a chance to build something beautiful together. But she let it slip away..

is there a turning back..? did she make the right decision..?

Only God knows..

AKU BUKAN UNTUKMU -ROSSA

Dahulu kau mencintaiku
dahulu kau menginginkanku
meskipun tak pernah ada jawabku
tak berniat kau tinggalkan aku

Sekarang kau pergi menjauh
sekarang kau tinggalkan aku
di saat ku mulai mengharapkanmu
dan ku mohon maafkan aku

Aku menyesal telah membuatmu menangis
dan biarkan memilih yang lain
tapi jangan pernah kau dustai takdirmu
pasti itu terbaik untukmu

Janganlah lagi kau mengingatku kembali
aku bukanlah untukmu
meski ku memohon dan meminta hatimu
jangan pernah tinggalkan dirinya
untuk diriku

.." it's all about finding the reason to why it happens.." - a friend

don't be afraid..

2006-10-09T14:38:00.000-07:00

.." First, be willing to accept that you are not perfect, and that you make mistakes. Shrug them off, and get on with the rest of your life without allowing them to influence your feelings or self-confidence.
Second, be calmly and confidently observant of the things that happen in your life, and realise that a mistake does not mean that you are a mistake. In fact, if you are succeeding, you are probably making far more mistakes than anybody else.
Just go with the flow...."

- David Viscott