heartbreak

Aku pernah tanya someone,.." macamana rasanya putus cinta ?.."
Dia jawab.." rasa sakit yang macam menyucuk kat hati..".

And the other day i was watching tv..there's this scene where the actor explained how he felt to be heartbroken for the first time..
" rasa sakit yang pelik yg menyerang secara tiba-tiba ..di sini" ( sambil tgn menunjuk ke arah dada )
" kadang-kadang rs sakit sehingga tak boleh tidur.."
" kadang-kadang sakit hingga rs mcm tak boleh bernafas.."

An unexpected stab of pain, that left you feeling so sad and hurt that u couldn't breath.


It must be really painful.

flock of birds

Heh, that's how i see it. A flock of white birds flapping feathers every morning. Analogy aside, it means a group of fresh new dentists with our white coats going for ward rounds. Tailing obediently behind our boss, the man with a charming smile =p. ( Just stating the obvious, no feelings involved, thank you.)

yeap, that's where i am now, doing my hospital attachments until August. The first few weeks were depressing, but eventually im starting to enjoy my hospital days. Made some new friends who make my days sunny, with our suppressed laughters and controlled giggles, ( we are not allowed to turn the clinic into some sort of 'pasar' with our woman-ly chat ). Ohh..and it's women's conferences alright, as there are less than 10 males around. heheh..

It's the morning ward rounds that starts our days in hospital. Equipped with notebook and pen ( and smtmes,to those who are not on ward duty, we'll go melenggang to ward ..hehe), marching in group. Us, the nine new female FYDOs ( which DrD smtmes would playfully declare " ..whoa..im surrounded by my dayang-dayang !!! ") with that big grin on his face. And we would go and see patients, note their conditions and write in the bed ticket. The times where we can see reality right in front of our eyes. The looks of parents waiting patiently by the bedside. The sad, hopeful eyes. The sufferings of another human being, lying with all sorts of injuries and conditions. It makes me shudder slightly, silently whisper a prayer in my heart.
" Ya Allah, sejahterakanlah mereka, dan jauhkanlah dari kami , wahai Tuhan Maha Memberi Perlindungan .."

Each time we push open the ward door and walk in groups towards the patient's bed, i can feel everyone's eyes following us. Our footsteps making a certain rhythm on the ward floor. I used to found their staring a bit uncomfortable, but now..as we got it almost every morning, it is now a part of the daily routine. their staring, and us walking. I like to see the morning ward rounds as our morning exercise, to perk us up and get our muscles moving. Smtmes, we purposely pick the stairs instead of the elevators, throwing one bird with two stones. Going for ward rounds and getting a healthier body... hehe.

I will be on ward duty next week, so let say it's gonna be quite a week, hopefully not too many motor-vehicle accidents (MVA) cases. Another ward round..everyone..=]

Be ready to fly, 'flock of birds' !

bila diam

Dah lama tak betul-betul diam. Diam sehingga apa yang didengari telinga hanyalah suara dr kepala sendiri. Masa terbaik untuk berfikir. Dan merenung diri.

Mungkin kerana kurangnya diam ini yang menjadikan aku mati idea bila duduk menghadap komputer. Sedangkan banyak yang aku ingin ceritakan. Peristiwa yang aku lihat. Perasaan yang aku rasa. Tak tahu mana hilangnya ....

Hmm...

Aku pernah tulis dahulu, tentang sifat manusia. Manusia yang tak pernah puas hati, sentiasa tamak dan mahukan lebih. Manusia yang lupa bersyukur dan hanya akan ingat bila sudah tiada atau memerlukan. Manusia yang tak boleh hidup bersendirian kerana fitrah yang diciptakan berpasangan. Tentang perasaan manusia yang tidak kekal, sepertimana tidak kekalnya manusia itu sendiri.

Mengetahui hakikat manusia begini, kenapa nak dikeluh-kesahkan atau disedihkan dengan perkara-perkara yang suatu hari nanti akan lenyap dan hilang dari hidup kita. Yang tidak kekal. Manusia akan mati. Memang akan sangat sedih dan merana, tapi Tuhan dengan segala kebijaksanaan-Nya yang Maha Agung menciptakan manusia itu perasaan yang boleh berubah-ubah. Rasa sedih takkan lama, satu hari nanti akan ketawa semula. Rasa sayang yang teramat juga ada pasang dan surutnya. Dan yang pergi akan ada pengganti.


Apa yang ada dalam tangan kita hari ni, bersyukur. Apa yang tiada atau hilang dari kita, redha dan percaya pasti ada kebaikan di sebaliknya.


" Ya Allah..jangan Kau lupakan atau abaikan aku, di saat aku menjauh dari-Mu kerana kelemahanku. ..."

know your limits

It's really important to know ones limit. When u dont know, say u dont. Dont go pretending to be knowledegble and inflict harm on another human with your foolish, arrogant act. Dont act 'bodoh sombong', yet dont be proud not knowing the stuffs you know you should. It's normal to not knowing everything, but you have to go back and read up.

When you're dealing with human, those who trust their life on you...it gives you boundariless and unimaginable power under the tittle 'doctor'. These people, they dont have the priviledge of knowing stuffs you learn in school, some simply shrug their shoulders and say.." ikutlah doktor nak buat apa pun.." (err..i dont really like this attitude..). Imagine what u can do when ppl enthrust such power on you. Without good conscience, you can be the biggest of all evils. Because you are in the position where u can do whatever you wish to the patient sitting in front of you. Esp when u are working in areas where they cant really see what u are doing, eg the oral region..( some of them can even happily sleep on the chair while the dentist is working..)

Just bear one thing in mind, that 'God is watching'. Everything that we do, every thought that crosses our mind will one day be questioned and witnessed in front of us in the Days of Judgement. If that can't make our knees buckle with fear, well..then, i dont know what will.



learn to say.." im sorry, i dont know.., but i will look up."

dear road-users...

4th december 2006. The first day i began my driving. On the road. By myself. Hehe...

To those who followed my entries in the previous blog would have a lil bit of idea on how i struggle to learn driving. To beat my fears. To overcome the haunting words in my head that keep saying.." u are just among the few who can't drive..!" I remembered even having this idea of putting a sticker at the back of my car ( if i ever drive !) that reads.." i'm a bad driver, please be careful around me..". Until one day, i was assigned to work at a place where i can't car-pool with anyone, and the idea of getting a bus was just out of question..then i knew that i had to do it, i have to drive.


The unstoppable thumping of the heart, the cold sweats forming on my forehead, the dryness of mouth due to extreme nervousness behind the wheels, ..the uncertainty of whether to change lane now or wait another 2 seconds, the loud-long honking from cars, casting a glare as they drive pass me while muttering to themselves...," who is this slow 'turtle' thinking that she can drive..? "..or.." what is this 'makcik' doing?..so-slowww!!.." or.." where exactly is this lost girl heading..?". Heh..phewww...

Not to mention the parking experiences. The 30-mins attempt to park the car in a not-so-senget position. The constant praying in me " dear God, please let me get this one right..", as i stare unblinkingly to the side mirrors, squeezing the car in a super-slow movement..trying to reverse-park between cars. The early days when i would wake up early in the morning to secure a good parking space ( where i'll be the first one to park the Kenari, and there'll be no worries of hitting any innocent car accidentally ). Or the times when i would go to Jusco, and park in distant areas, comforting myself by saying.." well.. i need the exercise anyway.." whereas the truth was, i'd rather walk 2km than try to park in a crowded parking lot. Another phewww....

And now, though still considered as not-a-really-good-experienced driver, i can say with some confidence that i can drive, able to start the engine, press the pedals, and manouver the car..in a quite acceptably well manner. I still get the honkings, still have the look of confusion and uncertainty sometimes, ..still take quite a while to park compared to other people...but well, im trying, and am improving . That's wht matters.

And i would like to thank the strangers..who albeit their impatience and hurry, considerately wait behind me when i tried to park in shopping complexes. ( though they were some jerks too....oh well,). The guys who helpfully give direction on how to turn the steering wheel when my car was stuck in weird position. The people who assist me willingly at the petrol station, when i was standing there clueless of how-to-do this-thing. The people who understand my difficulty in changing lanes...guiding the way by slowing down and letting me in safely. The drivers who would honk me when i drove too far to the right, which might cause dangers to other ppl, and myself. Thank you for helping me learn better on the road..=]

And amazingly, i discovered that i quite like driving. In fact, i enjoy driving. It gives me a sense of freedom that i dont feel elsewhere. The feeling of being on my own, controlling the steering and driving at a steady speed. And now, since im travelling from Kl - Seremban daily ( for the time being..), having to drive through the highways everyday..i realised that i was having a good time driving, though yeah..a bit tiring and not very cost-effective, but ..at least, i know that i dont suffer on road, and enjoying my ride. Well...pray for me ppl, and let us all be a better driver, a good, courteous road-users..~ =]

buat aku tersenyum

Datanglah sayang dan biarkan ku berbaring
Di pelukanmu walaupun 'tuk sejenak
Usaplah dahiku dan kan kukatakan semua

Bila kulelah tetaplah disini
Jangan tinggalkan aku sendiri
Bila kumarah biarkanku bersandar
Jangan kau pergi untuk menghindar

Rasakan resahku dan buat aku tersenyum
Dengan canda tawamu walaupun 'tuk sekejap
Karna hanya engkaulah yang sanggup redakan aku

Karna engkaulah satu-satunya untukku
Dan pastikan kita selalu bersama
Karna dirimulah yang sanggup mengerti aku
Dalam susah ataupun senang

Dapatkah engkau s'lalu menjagaku
Dan mampukah engkau mempertahankanku

Bila kulelah tetaplah disini
Jangan tinggalkan aku sendiri
Bila kumarah biarkanku bersandar
Jangan kau pergi untuk menghindar..

"..it's a wonderful thing to fall in love, but what's more wonderful is to find yourself falling in love with the same person each and every time..."

power of gift

One thing about receiving a present or gift from another person is that,.. you will never forget that person. Because as long as that particular gift is in your hand, whenever your eyes catch a glance of that thing, your brain will instantly draw the picture of that person in your mind, the person who gives that special thing to you. Someone who had think of you so much that he or she had to got you something, as if to tell you indirectly that .." hey..im thinking of u here..".

It doesnt have to be a big, pricey material...the greatest thing about a gift is simply realising that someone, somewhere had think of you.

and that's all that matters.