I used to see myself like Bridget Jones in the movie ‘Bridget Jone’s Diary’. Overweight, clumsy, with a tendency to creating blunders in public places and very single. Single to the extend my dad worried that I might be sufferring from some kind of commitment-phobic problem - heheh.
I spent the entire secondary school and matriculation years being single. Had few boys hitting on me, had few crushes myself, but all were kept inside. I remember I had this thinking, that once I step my feet in university I will found someone. As simple as that. But again, the whole 5 years in university were spent not much different from the previous years. Me, the single girl. Time flies real fast, perhaps the timing was not right. Maybe it was not the right person. All sorts of reason comes to mind. All kind of excuses came when ppl questions about my singlehoodness.
“ nak tunggu sampai umur berapa..?”
“ aikk..single lagi..?? …”
“ Bila lagi nak tukar status nih..?”
And most were accepted with the same response “..nanti adelah.."
I had for a few times, thought that I had found the person. That this might be the one. But then, it just didn’t lead to anywhere more than friends. Along the way, suddenly you didn’t feel right inside. There'll be a reason that'll make your heart stop jumping with joy, and your mind begin making real serious thinking about that person, whom just few weeks ago you have almost said yes to. And there were also the guy who i've waited and waited stupidly, thinking that maybe it's the time factor that was holding things from moving forward. When the right time comes, it will happen. How naive and silly i was. What a waste of time and energy spent thinking of him.
And i can remember the image of me, looking from the window in my room at couples sitting together on a bench, wondering to myself, " what do couples talk about..?". I remember the chat i had with friends about heart matters. The helpful friends who paired me with A, introduced me to B, and friend who wants me to be their 'kakak ipar'. All were accepted with a polite gesture of " no, thank you " or .." ermm, thank you ..actually, it's not that i dont want to, it's just ..i dont feel like i want to, i mean..i want to ..but not like that..i mean.." Bleahh.
And my parents, the ever-worrying father who in my final year of university, began teaching me how to talk to guys, in other word how to flirt. ( believe it , ppl ...he really went all out tutoring his' blurr' daughter). Recalling his common lectures about 'fitrah manusia dijadikan berpasangan' and the myth that 'jodoh tak perlu dicari tapi dtg sendiri'. Brushing it away with his words"..kalau macam tu, tak perlulah kita bangun pagi setiap hari. Duduk aje bersila atas kerusi tunggu jodoh yang Tuhan tentukan tu sampai..". And my mom, who is like always more relaxed and quiet, but would insert a line or two as i sit with her in the kitchen. About cycle of human's life, how from kids, we become adults, and have kids ourselves bla bla. And the list continues.
Being single has its own perks. I'm not saying this to comfort the singletons, but because i have experienced being single until the age of 24, so let say i'm quite an expert hehe. The freedom of being with myself, do what i want to do, go where my feet wish to bring me. So used to going out alone, hopping on LRTs and busses, sitting by myself in fast food restaurants and going for movies with no one next to me but a complete stranger ( still do that eheh ). Enjoying every minute of it. Spend hours in Borders until my mouth feel dry, window-shopping alone until my feet hurts and return home feeling a satisfaction beyond words. And being single with no partners to bring to dinners or functions, we formed a group of 'single girls' who book one table and have fun taking pictures and wolfing down food till the last bit. When other couples go for dates during weekends, i go out with my girl friends, roaming the entire Kl, going to Jalan mAsjid India to Petaling Street from morning till dark. Had a blast of time.
Plus, the freedom to meet and make new friends, esp singles. The ability to choose possible suitors among the pursuers. The early process of getting to know a person and vice versa. The things that only single ppl are allowed, flirting without having the guilt.(..look who's talking, the girl who learns to flirt at the age of 24 ). Knowing that you are not attached to anyone seriously, and not emotionally dependant on anyone but yourself. It's a great feeling, really. It makes you feel so independant and free.
But when you reach a certain age, your views about certain things changed. Your feelings and emotions evolved. Your physical appearance transformed from someone who doesn't know how to balance herself on high-heels to someone who knows the difference between types of eye-liner. I guess it happens naturally to most of us. But to some people, they need to be awakened from their deep slumber to realise that some changes in life need to be made in order to grow up. And then we'll feel it coming, the wanting to have someone other than your girl friends. It was within this changing phase that I found him.
Heh, I’m still the klutz who tripped over chair-leg, banged into things and dropped the end of my tudung on a plate of nasi with kuah, but I’m a grown woman now. Who can happily tell my life stories, from a single know-nothing blurr girl to a woman who’s counting days to the new phase which she’s about to enter. I have enjoyed the life of a single, and now I can’t wait to embark on a new journey with him.
So to all singletons…don’t fret about not finding the one yet. Keep praying, the person’s out there. Maybe just around the corner, waiting for the right time when he/she will emerge and change your life forever. Sounds too good to be true ehh, heh.. but it’s possible. And it sure happens in real life ;].